Wow! What a week it
has been. I completed the challenge and it
was just that, a challenge. Originally I
had wanted to blog my experiences and feelings daily, however, finding the
motivation to do so was an extra challenge on top of being absolutely
fixated on my next meal. I made notes
and jotted things down, which I will summarize in this posting.
DAY 1:
 |
| Pasta and sauce with carrots, onions, chickpeas and kale |
Breakfast: Oatmeal, plain
Lunch: Peanut
butter sandwich
Snack: Banana
Dinner: Pasta
with tomato sauce (additions: onions, garlic, carrots and kale)
Mood: My mood was
great. I was still feeling good about the
challenge and my anxiety about my food choices subsided. I felt okay with what I had available, and I
had a good foundation for meals. The
oatmeal was filling, although bland, but still kept me going until my
sandwich. The peanut butter was sugary
sweet, not the natural stuff I usually have and the bread, although whole wheat
was still pretty fluffy; white bread in whole wheat’s clothing. My hunger set in while I was prepping dinner,
but nothing that a spoonful of peanut butter and a big glass of water couldn’t
control. Speaking of water, I drank more
today than I would on a regular day.
This was a good thing.
I was actually quite pleased with my dinner concoction,
which even included some chickpeas for added protein. I made enough for 4 meals, including dinner
that night and packed up the rest in separate containers. Unfortunately, the sauce had double the sugar
and salt than what I would usually have on hand or what I would make myself but
it was edible.
I was feeling good and in control of the situation.
DAY 2:
Breakfast:
Oatmeal plain
Lunch: Left over
dinner
Snack: Peanut
butter sandwich
Dinner: Left over
dinner
Mood: Surprisingly
still in a good mood. I found a pack of
brown sugar from Starbucks which I happily added to my oatmeal, but rationed as
it needed to last me all week. Lunch was
relatively good. My co-workers thought
it looked amazing. I’m not sure if they
were humouring me or really meant it. My
peanut butter sandwich was pretty good. By
dinner time, I was not in love with the syrupy tomato sauce and pasta from the
day before and I was ready for a change.
I glanced over my groceries but it was too mentally challenging to come
up with a creative meal. Then I
remembered that I had an acorn squash from the garden. Yahoo.
It was glorious! ½ for tonight
and ½ for tomorrow. Yay gardens.
DAY 3:
Breakfast: Surprise,
oatmeal!
Lunch: Peanut
butter sandwich
Snack: Peanut
butter sandwich
Dinner: Day 1
left overs…again…plus acorn squash J
Snack: Banana
 |
| Carrot-potato soup, pre-puree |
Mood: My
co-workers commented that my mood was great despite the food. They were expecting a grump I think. I was prepared for Day 3 being really hard,
but it was okay, although, my thoughts were fixated on food. I would agree that overall I was still
upbeat and positive, but at times throughout the day, I would find myself
daydreaming about what to make for dinner.
I was almost in a trance. I found
that I was hungrier on Day 3 than the previous days. It may have been food boredom. There
was definitely not a lot of variety. I
hated the pasta and sauce but was so thankful for the squash. After dinner I made a soup of potatoes from the
garden, carrots, onions and loads of garlic.
Obviously I didn’t have any veggie broth so water it was. It looked and smelled really good. But boiled potato/carrot water wasn’t really appealing
to me, so I decided to blend it up. The outcome
was a baby food type puree. Hmmm.
DAY 4:
 |
| Pasta and sauce, sans extras |
Breakfast: Peanut
butter sandwich (I changed it up today)
Lunch: Soup
Snack: Banana
Dinner: Pasta and
syrupy sauce- I don’t bother adding additional veggies. I dump the chickpeas in just because they are
there and easy.
Mood: Day 4 was
hard. Thankfully my workday was busy so
I didn’t have time to think about it much, but after work I was tired and
hungry. I am not sure if I was actually
hungry for food or just variety. I
realized the bananas were all gone but I still had $2.65 to spare so in an
emergency I could still afford them if need be.
My co-worker reminded me of her dinner party the next day. She had invited me to it weeks
before. I could hardly wait! My peanut butter supply was quickly
dwindling. I had been sneaking spoonfuls
in between meals to satisfy my hunger and prevent any hangry outbursts. I’m not
sure who I was sneaking it from, but I felt sneaky while doing it. Strange.
DAY 5:
Breakfast: Peanut
butter sandwich (all I can think about is the dinner party tonight)
Lunch: Oatmeal
(all I can think about is the dinner party tonight)
Snack: N/A
(Dinner party…tonight!)
Dinner: Did I mention
the DINNER PARTY? Lasagna, caesar salad,
garlic toast and wine!
Mood: Obsessed
about the dinner party. My friend serves
me a giant piece of lasagna and tells me whatever I don’t eat, I can take
home. She concludes with of course you
can eat it all…no judgement! Yep, I ate
it all. It was delicious. Thanks Ashley.
DAY 6:
Breakfast: Peanut
butter sandwich (now peanut butter and bread are finished)
Lunch: I hold off
as I’m taking my son to a birthday party.
Dinner: TBA
Mood: I wake up
fully aware of what my food options are.
I’m bitter. The memory of the
meal before is too fresh in my mind. I eat my sandwich and try to distract
myself until the birthday party. The weekend is much harder. I’m home with my family and I don’t have the
distraction of work to keep my mind off food.
Of course my family is eating well.
I just watch, stare maybe.
At the
party there is pizza, veggies and fruit.
I’m ready to start chewing through the cardboard box but I keep myself
under control. I watch all the kids
eating their pizza and then I see some of the parents have some too. What? How
did I miss that? What was I doing? I wander over to the table and casually place
some broccoli and cauliflower on my plate.
Where is the pizza??? I spot it
but realize it’s Hawaiian and I don’t eat meat.
What a pain in my ass I am. I’m aware
at how ridiculous and small my “problems” are and remind myself that my little
experiment is just temporary and I can change that whenever I want, while
others are truly struggling. Regardless,
my feeling of inequality is real. I see
a closed box of pizza but I’m too shy to open it and see if it’s the vegetarian
pizza. What will people think? I don’t know anyone here very well and I don’t
want to stand out. It’s not clear to me
at the time that nobody would even notice or care, but I’m insecure and I
return to my seat with my broccoli. I am
feeling sorry for myself and ask my son if he’s going to eat his crust. I’m ashamed of myself but don’t really know
why. The party is over.
That night, I pour myself a glass of wine and order Chinese. I’m done the challenge.
