Being Cared For

My cat, Azriel was 21 years old when he died.  I got him as a tiny kitten while I was in my second year of college, studying Veterinary Technology. He was a regular fixture in my life and I couldn’t imagine him not being around.

 

Unfortunately, despite my discussions with him that he was never allowed to die, he began showing his age.  Although he was an old cat, his health was good for his age and when he got sick, it was fast.  I wasn’t ready.  Because it was so sudden I felt that I had to do everything I could do medically that was non-invasive to give him every chance.  I knew my limits and I knew he would tell me when he reached his.

 

On November 18^th, 2015 he went into respiratory and cardiac arrest on my lap.  I panicked.  My poor husband sat helplessly staring at me wondering how to help.  “Call Ashley”, I screamed.  Ashley is my co-worker who has known Azriel on a medical level and personal level for many years.  I wasn’t sure why I needed Chris to call Ash, but I just needed her to be on the phone.  While Chris tried to explain what was happening, I proceeded to perform CPR with my cat on my lap, in my living room.  All of a sudden I wasn’t “cat Mum, Rhonda”, I was “Registered Veterinary Technician Rhonda” and this was my patient! 

By the time Ashley arrived about 15 minutes later, she was expecting to console me.  Instead she came upstairs and saw Azriel sitting on my lap, purring and giving me head bonks.  The two of us looked at each other in disbelief.  “Honestly, he was dead.” is all I could manage to say to her.  She poured some cat treats into her hand which he devoured immediately.

 

Through tears I told Ashley that I knew he came back so that I could say a proper good-bye.  I knew in my heart it was time and that would be our last night together.  The next day I brought Az to work with me and he sat on my lap in the sunshine all morning, while I worked on my computer.  We had the morning to just sit and be together before it was time to say good-bye.  He looked up at me, gave a meow and then stopped breathing.  I couldn’t breathe.  I grabbed my stethoscope and I could hear his tiny heart still beating.  I ran with him in my arms to the treatment area and grabbed the oxygen mask.  Although I knew it was time, I wanted to make it as comfortable as possible and didn’t want him to be gasping for air.  As I was reaching for the mask, telling my co-workers/friends that his heart was still beating, Kirsten put her hand on my mine.  “We got this” is all she said or something along those lines.  I realized right then and there, they were caring for me and Azriel , and were allowing me to be the cat Mum again and not the tech.  As I sat draped over Az, sobbing into his long, brown coat, he was given his injection and his heart stopped for good. 

With just the touch of a hand and a few short words, it was obvious how much my friends cared for me and wanted me to be able to be in the moment with Azriel, rather than focusing on being his nurse. 

To Ashley, Julie, Kirsten and Jenny, thank you for caring.  To Chris, thank you for being there when I was so sad.  To Azriel, thank you for the opportunity to say good-bye properly. 

Azriel